"How does this relate to books?" you may ask. Last school year, I had to choose a non-fiction book for an independent study project at school. Naturally, I wanted to read something that would be of interest with me, so that I actually enjoyed myself, and didn't make reading a chore that I had to do for school. I chose to read Without You: a Memoir of Love, Loss and the Musical, RENT by Anthony Rapp. I had been wanting to read this for a long time, and I figured it would be the perfect "two birds, one stone" opportunity. As soon as I started reading, I was absolutely immersed in Anthony Rapp's recount of his experience from the day he auditioned for the workshop of Rent, to the epilogue, which is several years later, on the first day of shooting for Rent the movie. (other people are better at summaries, so here's one for you to read, before/after this post, should you wish. Or you could just go read the book because it's awesome.)
As I read this book for school, I had a summative assignment to complete. The idea of our project was a media project that captured the theme of the novel, and illustrated key themes, and key plot points. I decided to do a photo collection based on my favourite quotes and moments from the book. I really love photography, and I thought this would be a good way to combine two of my favourite things (reading + photography).
This bring us to today's post. I have my photos that I took for class, and the quotes that accompany them, and I'm going to incorporate them into a sort-of visual 'review' of Without You. I''m going to elaborate on some of the moments that stood out to me the most, and then talk less about others. If you just want to look at the pictures, then that is another way to read this post. ENJOY!
The photos are organized in the way that the quotes appear in the book, which is more or less chronologically. The number underneath the name of the photo, is the page where the quote falls.
1.
"Once again, the correlation between myself and the character was remarkable: I sometimes wondered if my love of acting was an escape of sorts. I’d been doing it since I was a kid, and it felt natural for me to be onstage, inhabiting other character’s skins and souls, but offstage I often felt like a small, pale dork."
Anthony Rapp plays the character of Mark Cohen in Rent, a 'starving artist' type, just trying to make ends meet in NYC. He is constantly documenting his life through his video camera; its as if he is hiding behind it. In one song (Goodbye Love) Mark's friend Roger, calls him out on 'hiding in his work.'
2
‘The thing is, the thing is, when you have someone you know who’s died, you have to grieve, of course, but really, there are different things you have to grieve.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well you have to grieve the loss of the person, you know, the fact that the actual person, won’t be there anymore to talk to, to laugh with, to hare memories with, that sort of thing.’
‘Right.’
‘And then you have to, you have to mourn the loss of who that person held you to be. Because that dies with them. Their vision of you no longer exists. And a whole world of who you are is gone. So you have to mourn that too.’
This is my one of my favourite quotes from the entire book, and quite possibly my favourite thing ever said. It's just such a truthful and eye-opening lesson, and it really struck me. This lesson really continues throughout the rest of the book, as Rapp loses more people close to him.
3.
‘It’s perfect that you’re taking these pictures,’ he said. ‘You’re just like Mark with his camera. It’s great.’
This is said to Rapp during a rehearsal one day by the director, Jonathan Larson. I included it because I thought it was another correlation between Rapp, and his character, Mark, a topic a elaborated a lot on in my presentation.
4.
There’s nothing wrong with grief. It’s an entirely appropriate response. Of course we feel grief. The trouble is, in our culture, there isn’t always a lot of permission for people to grieve. And so we think that we shouldn’t go through it, and we stifle it down, because it’s not allowed. And that’s when we get ourselves in trouble. But grief is absolutely real, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling it. Quite the opposite.
This is another one of my favourite quotes that is said in this book. During the rehearsals for RENT, Jonathan Larson brings in a friend of his to speak with the cast. Cy O'Neal (of the charity 'Friends in Deed') becomes a constant in Rapp's life during trying times, and she says the most resounding things.
5.
I had to just go up to him and tell him how amazing he is. He’s like a hero. You don’t understand. He’s created something to gorgeous and important, and I can’t really keep talking about it because I’m going to explode.
I chose this quote to really illustrate the impact that RENT had. A friend of Rapp's came up to him after a show, and the 'he' in this line is in referral to Jonathan Larson.
6.
I hung up and sat staring at the phone. Everything was shifting in me so quickly. I felt wildly crazy and perfectly calm all at once. Jonathan’s death made bizarre sense; he’d not been well, he’d gotten this show out of him, which was the most important thing he’d ever done, the biggest expression of himself he could ever put out into the world, and when he was done, he’d died.
This quote is taken from Anthony Rapp's inner dialogue after he is informed of the sudden and unexpected death of Jonathan Larson. I chose it as another homage to how important Rent is.
7.
Singing requires an open, clear throat; it’s the only way pure melodic sound can come out. But as we sang “Seasons,” it’s lyrics resonating through me in a thousand new ways, I began to cry, and my throat began to close up…
This is taken from the 'scene' when the cast of Rent performs for the first time after Larson's death. "Seasons of Love" is an absolutely BEAUTIFUL song, and their perspective of the song changes a lot after his death.
8.
But, again, we managed, beginning with our eulogies, the words of which could so easily have been said about Johnathan. “You always said you were so lucky that we were all friends,” Idina said, her voice cracking. Then she looked right up to the sky and said, “But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones.
After a character in the musical dies, the other characters perform eulogies at their funeral. This quote is taken again from that first time the cast performed Rent without Larson, and the words said by Idina's (Menzel) character, Maureen Johnson (yes... Maureen Johnson), 'could so easily have been said about Jonathan.'
9.
As we busied ourselves with taking off our headsets and gathering our things together, I realized there was no sound coming from anywhere in the theatre, and I opened the backstage door to find the entire audience sitting in absolute, perfect stillness and silence. No one moved, no one spoke.
This occurred after the aforementioned performance of Rent, and it really struck me. The audience that night had been filled with friends and family to Jonathan Larson, most of which had not seen Rent in full yet because it had not officially opened, and it was a really chill-inducing moment.
10.
‘It’s hard. But that’s what hearts do,’ she said. ‘They break. But if you let them, they break open. […] That’s what’s happening to you. Your heart is breaking open. You have to let that happen. Don’t stand in its way.’
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I don’t know if I can do that.’
‘Of course you can,’ she said. ‘It’s already happening. There’s nothing more you can do except to let it continue. The only way out is through.’
Remember how before I said that those other quotes were 'one of my favourites,' well, that's because this quote IS my favourite. When I first read these lines, I was - well for one, I was crying, but I also had to take a minute to really let them sink in before I moved on. Once again, this is a dialogue between Cy O'Neal and Anthony Rapp. It takes place after the death of Rapp's mother, and he is really struggling with his heartbreak with her being gone. It's a beautiful lesson, that applies to so many things.
___________________________________________________________________
So there you have it. If you could not tell from the way I was talking about the book, I absolutely loved it. (It's in my Top 15 Stand Alone Books). If you have seen Rent the musical, I highly recommend that you read this book. A quick note, majority of these quotes/moments come from the front 'half' of the book, (up to the point just after the death of Jonathan Larson) because I was meant to primarily study the first half of the text.
(I just want to add a quick DISCLAIMER: before I go... I (obviously) do not know Anthony Rapp, or anyone else I reference in this post, personally. Everything I said here comes from a reference in the book, or an inference I made based on context and the mood from the section of the story. I'm not pretending like I know what everyone was thinking, I just did my job as a student analyzing literature, to make assumptions and inference. Because these are all real people, I feel like this must be said.)
Read on,
B
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